Due to technical difficulties, the end of the world has been postponed...
With a title like that, one might assume I had just finished reading the book
Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. I almost wish I was....
The original plan had been for a friend and I to see the movie
28 Days Later, a sort-of apocalyptic zombiesque thriller. As usual, despite the large Sunday night crowds, everything was going as perfect as one could hope for. Despite the daunting lines, we practically waltzed in and got our tickets. Despite the already crowded theatre, we found a pair of vacant seats practically in the very middle, giving us the best possible vantage point.
We were excited, exchanging witty, wry banter amidst the "were they on crack when the conceived these?!" Snapples fruit drink commercials. And then came the dreaded Black Screen Of Death. It is the terrifying, cimenatic cousin of the computer Blue Screen O' Death. The empty screen just towered over everyone, as if to proclaim, "You theatre-goers have performed an illegal operation, and the end of the world must now shut down."
Sadly, I must grudgingly accept the fact that in order to watch a movie, you need a working projector.
I'm sure the projectionist was doing the best he could; the flames sparking out from the projection booth window, and the cries of "I told you that we'd get punished for watching
Battlefield Earth and liking it!", seemed to be fairly optimistic.
The public relations regarding the whole snafu could have been handled a little better. Waiting around for roughly 40 minutes and having a total of only 2 announcements telling scant details of the problems did not make for a happy lynch mob. Then again, as the ticket-paying natives grew more and more restless (someone tried beating their friend with a rolled-up Tribute magazine to combat the boredom), I'm sure the theatre employees were playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" to see which unlucky sot would have to be sacrificed by facing the horde and telling them the bad news.
My friend and I were ready to start a betting pool on whether or not said employee would be able to escape the angry charge as the front row rushed the poor guy as he made a frantic break for the side exits. Yet life did not imitate art in that whole "ripping-of-flesh-and-eating-it" sort of way, which is just as well since no one had the presence of mind to bring enough barbeque sauce for everyone there.
So, there was no end of the world tonight. I should be in the theatre right now exclaiming how I've gone and soiled my pants again. But instead I'm telling a bunch of people how I wish I could be exclaiming how I'd gone and soiled myself again. But on the bright side, I walked out with 2 free movie passes, as did my friend.
Ah, silver linings; how I adore thee....
Today's Lesson: apparently Snapple bottles, when not being filled with tasty, liquid Vitamin-C goodness, moonlight as male strippers.
posted by Phillip at 6:37 PM
